memories
beauty of a rainy day
Climb up over the top
Survey the state of the soul
You’ve got to find out for yourself whether or not you’re truly trying
Why not give it a shot?
Shake it, Take control and inevitably wind up
finding for yourself all the strengths
That you have inside of you
suddenly i know so much
I lay here in a dark cold room under a warm blue blanket and try to hide myself from the world. Suddenly i know so much and it scares me as hell. I whisper my little secrets to my fluffy pillow and, for a moment, i feel like it even could understand me. „It’s safe here,“ i think. And i’m right. So i grab all my shiny pearls and bury them back between the sheets. Until you come and find them precious.
I’m free, I think. I shut my eyes and think hard and deep about how free I am, but I can’t really understand what it means. All I know is I’m totally alone. All alone in an unfamiliar place, like some solitary explorer who’s lost his compass and his map. Is this what it means to be free?
- Kafka On The Shore
every moment
Every new moment disappears forever.
Lucidity
These things are so obvious and needless to say. Nevertheless they take an ocean to comprehend. It IS like sailing seven seas in bewilderment, having doubts about water’s beingness. Seeing it everywhere and still not seeing it. But I don’t actually know. I don’t know I’m not really seeing the water. I have only doubts.
Suddenly it starts to rain. I’m confused. What? Water? From the sky? I’m desperately trying to avoid it but these little sparkling creatures conquer my clothes and get to my dry and fragile skin. I can feel how raindrops fondle me all over the body and, to my astonishment, I may even like it.
As i sit here, in my little boat on a rainy day, i’m starting to realize the difference between water and water.
So these obvious things.. maybe they’re not so obvious after all.
-R
I came back from those holiest waters new,
remade, reborn like a sun-wakened tree,
that spreads new foliage to the spring dew,
in sweetest freshness, healed of winter’s scars,
perfect, pure, and ready for the stars.
-Dante
Beauty is not in the face, beauty is a light in the heart.
Lack of time
Kell on 4 öösel ja õues on nii valge. Lampide pärast. Siin Tallinnas on öine taevas alati oranž. Vahel tahaks, et kõik oleks lihtsalt kottpime. Ei näeks midagi. Nagu maal, kui öösel saunast tulen - näitan telefoniga valgust, sest ilma pole võimalik majani lihtsalt jõuda. Mõnikord ei tee sedagi. Enda lõbuks. Et näha, kui kaugele jõuan. Täiesti pimedas. Täiesti metsas. Täiesti üksi. Nii on hirmus. Nii on põnev. Nii on hea. Ma võin olla kõike, mida tahan. Lill, loom, liblikas, tähed, taevas… Kogu universum võin siis olla. As a matter of fact, olengi. Tol hetkel eksisteerin enda jaoks maailmas ainult mina ning mu mõtted. Muud ma ei näe.
Soovin vaid, et saun asuks veel kaugemal praegusest. Kui palju rohkemat ma siis jõuaksin olla.
